Everyone has a comfort zone that they tend to gravitate towards, and if you’re anything like me, your comfort zone might be in the form of relationships. I am the type of friend that once we have spilled our guts and gone through some hardships together, there is no getting rid of me. The same can be said of some romantic relationships.
For me, I have only one ex that I just can’t seem to get rid of…no matter how hard I try. Let’s call him Mistah J. J and I have been in each other’s lives for over 10 years and we have a very Joker and Harley type of relationship, both Suicide Squad and Classic Batman versions. Sometimes we were the best of friends, partners in crime, and truly cut from the same cloth. Other times we were ready to kill each other, toxicity at its finest, and frankly a little psychotic.
As of November 2016, we had our last attempt at making something out of not much left. 6 rounds worth of emotional bare knuckle boxing, spread over 8 years, and I finally decided enough was enough. I don’t think J and I will ever be able to remove each other from our lives but he definitely isn’t the one for me to plan a future with. When the journey started, J was a kind hearted, romantic young man with a big heart, big smile, and bigger dreams. The old me was cold and selfish but still a dreamer. Together, he made me grow in love and I kept him grounded. I always felt like he completed me and made me a much better person than what I would have become without him in my life. I still don’t know how he feels about me, even after all this time. Joker didn’t always read the room, his punchline was often improperly placed, and his communication was flawed at best. Harley may have been his perfect match but between breaking her heart and throwing her through windows, swift escape seemed like the better alternative.
As years passed, different heartbreaks occurred, and life chewed us both up we became two very different people compared to the young pair that had met in 2006. Mistah J was my emotional safety blanket and he saw me as the one that got away. Both saw the other as a chapter of the past that just needed to be amended.
Cue in Harley’s final attempt at making psycho ever after a possibility. Joker lures her back in with his cynically charming smile and promises of a killer duo. Well, like any good Joker and Harley scene…Harley ends up facing the bad guys at some point or another while Joker disappears to find his own punch line.